Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
