im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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