I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
