Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
