i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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