im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
