so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
