i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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