zippers are such a cool invention
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
