My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
