I seem to have left my pride at pride
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
