i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
