He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
