I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
