I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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