I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
