I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
