Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
