Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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