Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
