last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this boner is exhausting
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
