I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
