I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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