So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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