Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
vagina is talking i cant
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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