dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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