He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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