sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
