All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
