so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
