i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
