You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
