Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
