under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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