It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
