if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
