oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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