he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
