These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
