when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
