She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
