I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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