Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
