He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
