I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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