A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
