Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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