eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
