Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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