btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
